Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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