yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
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I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dicks are not precious.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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