Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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