oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize