With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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