You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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