I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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