she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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