We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
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I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
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I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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