I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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