There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
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just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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