All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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