He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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