I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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