i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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