her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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