we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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