This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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