This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
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are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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