she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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