she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
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Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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