do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
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My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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