Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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