tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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