hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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