Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize