Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Come share oat with me in your robe
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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