i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize