So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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