Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
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Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
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It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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