Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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