"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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