Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize