I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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