so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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