That's when you crack a 10am beer
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
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Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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