Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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