go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
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It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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