You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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