I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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