I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize