If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
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some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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