I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
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Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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