Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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