id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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