I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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