How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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