Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
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It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
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I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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