I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
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Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
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Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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