Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Randomize